fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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