Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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