You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Mom said you looked used
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
