I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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