How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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