1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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