i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Even my vagina gasped.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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