OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
