Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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