So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
