We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
