am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
