I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
