I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
