They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
