I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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