Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
