please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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