Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
