I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
