It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
