Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I lost the right to judge tonight
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
