Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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