I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im holly from the hills drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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