I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
