i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
