great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
