shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
NoShamevember. You game?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
