chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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