So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
