community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My pussy is not your playground.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
