the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
