I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
