Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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