Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
