Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
