Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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