Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
