it hurts more in the daytime
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
