Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What a dumb baby whore.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize