evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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