Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
