he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sext me about skeletons
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And then he peed in my hair
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