If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
