No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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