i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
