if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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