I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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