Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
