You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
