At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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